God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
