Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
