In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
