are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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