Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
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The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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