i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
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I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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