I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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