I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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