dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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