Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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