so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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