i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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