well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
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Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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