don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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