six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
