he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
