toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
are you so shy because you have an std?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
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