it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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