I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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