is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
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You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
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hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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