You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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