Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
