I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
