Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
