operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
