i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
