i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
