That's when you crack a 10am beer
It's like God shit irony all over that family
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
