Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
