I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Randomize
