I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize