nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
