He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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