I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
