Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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