4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
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