I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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