Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
