According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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