they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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