My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
