do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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