I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
