Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Someone came in the potted fern
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
