Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
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Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
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Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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