just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize