I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
