Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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