I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
it wasn't lemon gatorade
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
