WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
