i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
