i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
