I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
