If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
The ass gains better be worth it
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