margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
