his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
