Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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