I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
