I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
