Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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