fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
