Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
